Resident Evil 5: April 25th, 2009 – April 26th: New World Order

APRIL 25TH, 2009: While replaying an earlier mission, I saw something familiar. I shot an enemy, and he fell into the water. Then a crocodile ate him.

They kind of pussied out with the death scenes in this game.

Compared to Resident Evil 4. Some things shown in RE4, like decapitations courtesy of the chainsaw-wielding guys, were not in RE5. I would later learn that depicting decapitations in Japanese media is a bit of a taboo.

The music is great, like Dead Rising‘s.

RE5 doesn’t have cool themes like the DR series, though.

Unlike Rising, I don’t expect any traditional theme songs.

Other Resident Evil games have had good music as well.

Do you think RE controls better with vehicles than it does humans?

I changed my control scheme to resemble RE4. This style of RE is too much like other third-person shooters as it is. That’s because it keeps getting ripped off.

Amazingly, this kind of game is almost a half-decade old. Where does the time go? Waiting for Dead Rising II? Oh.

APRIL 26TH, 2009: At Chapter 6-3, I feel nervous!

Wesker will try to spread Uroboros with an assault bomber. Jill called Chris to say that Wesker needs regular injections to manage the virus that keeps him alive. If he overdosed, however…

Conveniently, Sheva found a sample in the bridge of the ship.

We fought our way to the hangar.

Something… doesn’t feel right,” said Sheva. “I can’t explain it.”

Don’t you two ever tire of failing in your mission?” asked Wesker, before he made us look like fools. He thought he would save the world from its self-destruction by moving forward with his plans.

Wesker kind of resembles James Marsters.

It was a struggle to inject Wesker. I had Sheva use an RPG-7, which he couldn’t dodge, to weaken him.

This isn’t over, Chris!”

Wesker boarded the bomber, and so did Chris and Sheva. In a series of quicktime events, we injected Wesker again. Chris managed to open the bay of the plane, and it almost sucked us in.

Wesker clutched onto Sheva’s leg as she held onto a pillar for safety. Suddenly, she looked at Chris with an expression of understanding, almost apologetic, and it reminded him of the way that Jill looked before she supposedly sacrificed herself to save him from Wesker.


Chris grabbed Sheva’s hand just as she let go of the pillar. Wesker flew out of the bay, and we landed on top of a volcano…

This is the part where the game begins to tell silly little things like logic and physics to screw themselves harder than Excella wanted to screw Wesker.

For starters… Volcanoes are much, much more dangerous than pop culture would have you to believe. Games like RE5 and movies like Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith would have you believe that you can just hang out around lava and fight your archnemesis without getting horribly burned. Just getting too close to lava would burn the hell out of you, bro. It’s between 600 to 1K degrees Celsius.

Of course, I didn’t know that at the time that I first beat this game. I only knew about this when I learned about “Convection, Schmonvection” from TV Tropes.

This trope doesn’t bother me all the time, but when it does… It stretches the limits of believability a little too much. Then again, that’s just me. And this is a Capcom game; specifically, an RE game. Realism isn’t high on their list of priorities. Some scenes in Resident Evil 6 are arguably even more absurd in terms of the sheer amount of punishment that the characters take.

Of course, Wesker survived, shirtless. Fan service!

Yeah, it is! *high-fives past self*

I should have killed you years ago, Chris,” said Wesker.

He shoved his fist into an Uroboros rocket, allowing him to use tentacles as weapons. He became a living weapon.

It was like the ending of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith!

Finally, we had to stab him in his orange, icky heart, and he fell into the lava. Just then, Jill and Josh arrived in a chopper to pick them up.

But then, Wesker grabbed the helicopter’s strut.

Use those!” screamed Jill, pointing to the RPGs on the wall inside the chopper.

Ready, partner?” asked Chris.

Locked and loaded,” answered Sheva.

Suck on this, Wesker!”

They fired their rockets, putting an end to the megalomaniac once and for all…

More and more I ask myself if it’s all worth fighting for…” asked Chris.

He looked at his partners. Jill, Sheva, and Josh.

For a future without fear… Yeah, it’s worth it.”

They flew into the African dawn.

There is a theme song. It’s in Swahili and English, I think.

Reuben Langdon is officially one of Capcom’s acting horses. He played Dante in Devil May Cry 3: Dante’s Awakening and Devil May Cry 4. He also does stunts and motion capture.

Basically, he’s really good at what he does, and even Capcom is smart enough to know to keep employing his talents.

One last word about the Featured Image for this post: I found this illustration drawn by faroldjo and colored by pant on deviantART when I was looking for some more Wesker images (ahem…), and I thought that it was so epic, that I had to share it. Please check out the original post on pant’s dA page and give it some love.