Total Playtime: 120+ hours
Adell will actually get hit with a felony for the player playing too long. Woah.
Total HL: 2.9 million-plus
Highest LV: Tink (95)
Lowest LV: Hugo the Basilcrow (eight)
Highest HP: Alucard (2,699)
Lowest HP: Boggart the Magius (109)
Highest ATK: Tink (1,906)
Lowest ATK: Rio the Sniper (89)
Some base stats enhanced by equipment.
Tink’s felonies include “being a loser”, excessive force, and “existing”. Aurelia, a Blue Mage, has too many murders and Geo Vandalism on her rap sheet.
Adventures in Item Descriptions
Scale Mail: “Not completely to scale.”
Opera Glasses: “See the play without suffering the music.”
Forest Bow: “Ironic, because it’s made of dead trees.”
Opened Soda: “Highly unsanitary.”
Garlic Water: “Why would anyone drink this?” Because they’re Wario?
Bat Soup: “Waiter! There’s soup in my bat!”
Double Slap: “Sorry baby! Why did you make me do that?”
From the “should they really be joking about this?” file.
There’s also a weapon called Father’s Fist. Just thought you should know.
Flick: “Hits so hard your kids will feel it.’
Bastard Sword: “A real jerk at times, but he gets the job done.”
Elven Bow: “A famous elf used it to return a lost ring.” Ooh, is it Link?!
.44 Magnum: “You gotta ask a question – do you feel lucky?”
Serial Axe: “Snap, crackle, pop! You’re dead.”
Spikey Shell: “Jumping on this one is a bad idea.”
The Accursed: “What a horrible night to have a curse.”
Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves here.
The Dream: “Oh, it was all just a dream. Or was it?!”
Confusion: “I’m calm! I’M VERY FREAKING CALM!”
I react much the same way when someone tells me calm down.
Chain Mail: “Will kill you if you don’t pass it on. Wait-!”