Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon Part One: Jumping the Shark

Winners Don’t Lose”

-Rumble McSkirmish, Gravity Falls episode “Fight Fighters”

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

Developer: Ubisoft Montreal

Publisher: Ubisoft

Platform: Xbox 360

Released (North America): April 30, 2013

Released (Europe): May 1, 2013

Campaign Played from: October 5, 2016—November 19, 2016

It’s the end of the 20th century. Cyber-commandoes arise from the ashes of North America. Rex “Power” Colt is one such commando…

This music sounds a lot like Terminator, and Rex is voiced by Michael Biehn. Heyyy

The game starts with an on-rails shooting sequence aboard Rex and Spider’s chopper. Spider is voiced by Phil LaMarr, but Spider is on his own mission.

There’s a reference to the flex-tastic scene from Predator.

Unlocked Welcome to the Party, Pal. 1/19

Sloan’s gone rogue! He kidnapped Rex and Spider, and broke Spider’s back. Then, he threw Rex to the Blood Dragons…

But Dr. Elizabeth Veronica Darling jacked his comms, so she’s helping him.

The tutorial is hilarious and self-aware. Rex hates tutorials.

The cutscenes have a retraux (faux-retro) look with limited animation.

One of the guns is the Fazertron. Pew pew pew!

The reloading animations? Cool.

You throw a 20-sided die to distract and lure enemies. You can also throw shuriken at nearby enemies after a stealth takedown.

The enemies are the cyborg soldiers of the Omega Force. They have monotone voices but some expressive dialog. “Holy crap.”

Blood Dragons shoot fusion lasers when threatened.

The color of a Blood Dragon indicates their current level of aggressiveness.

Rex: “Shut up, HUD! I do what I want!”

Unlocked One Small Step. 2/19

When you take over a garrison, Rex throws up the horns and a small electrical current runs between them.

Dr. Darling said that Sloan drank Blood Dragon blood. It supercharged his cybernetics. Now, he’s loaded up missiles with the blood. Rex has to stop them.

Darling tried to offer Rex a similar concoction to the blood, but he refused. He made a promise to a very special lady: Lady Liberty, who taught him that winners don’t use drugs.

Liberating a garrison brings “the principle of democracy to a location”.

Rex said that the blood made Sloan “one ugly motherfucker”.

Hostage rescue missions: “Save a Nerd”

The music is cool and full of synthesizer work.

The Really Huge Mag for the Galleria 1991 shotgun: “because you ain’t got time to bleed.”

The game is full of funny little descriptions.

First-person driving is hard! D:

The next main mission has Darling directing Rex to blow a dam providing Sloan’s projects with power.

I’m not used to the Far Cry style of gameplay.

Blowing the dam didn’t work because C4000 sucks, so Darling told Rex to find an engineer, Benji. He helped Rex shut down the coolant reactor, but Benji can die in the process. Rex declares him a real American hero.

Insane in the Braincage:” I rescued a scientist, but then he got eaten by a black and white tiger.

Rex hopes that he doesn’t have to collect any flags.

An emu helped finish off a bad dude.

What Is This Shit?”: Rex has to sabotage a Blood Dragon nursery. “For a nursery, this place sure if full of the science.”

Unlocked “Running man”. 3/19

Sloan’s scientists were working on “brain cage” prototypes to control Blood Dragons. Pfft, yeah, right.

Funnily, the brain cages had auto-destruct buttons next to them in the labs.

Then, Rex had to lay waste to dragon egg clutches with the Flamer flamethrower. He hatches many terrible egg puns.

Finally, he has to beat a hasty retreat through the facility that ends with him jumping the shark as the building explodes. It’s pretty intense.

The shark was a cephalopod hybrid. As Rex jumped over it in the jeep, he pulled the pin out of a bunch of grenades and threw it into the shark’s gaping maw.

Dr. Darling said it was incredible, but Rex said he was just doing his job.

The shark was guarding the facility.

One of Dr. Carlyle’s notes says that Darling spurned his love! But Carlyle works for Sloan now.

Carlyle has a lot of issues.

Why are his notes scattered to and fro? Did other scientists steal them?

Maybe they did to show them to other scientists to make fun of ’em.

I like this open world to explore.

Eye of the Tiger

Tiger Fist”: Hunt down a powerful tiger with a bow. It’s harder than it sounds.

Doing side missions and finding collectibles unlocks new weapon upgrades.

That tiger was tougher than most Omega Force grunts.